Who Wears Short Shorts?

No, seriously. Who wears those things?? If you're reading my blog (and understanding the nuances in it) I'm assuming you are above the age of 9. Thus, above the age of short-shorts appropriateness.

Picture this: walking through the Prudential Center with the Lovely Miss L a few weeks ago, my eyes light upon a super-fun group of young girls twittering on as they tried on shoes too tall for their walking abilities. Grabbing handbags, sunglasses, bracelets, etc, as they tried on everything and bought nothing. You know, just being 17-years-old. But I digress. As I sat on the plush couch waiting for my fabulously frugal sister to try on a pair of shoes she'd had her eye on for a while, one of these women-in-training pranced her way into my direct line of sight. Under normal circumstances, I would have scoffed at her innocence and hoped she learned her lesson sooner rather than later. However, this moment was anything but normal.

This girl was wearing shorts so short and so tight, I'm pretty sure she had a photo session with Dov Charney later that day. I know more about this girl now than I do most of my lifelong friends. A floral replacement for boyshort underwear, she thought she'd covered her short on bottom-long on top requirements by wearing a sweatshirt instead of a tank top. She hadn't. As I stood up from my seat to school this child on the inappropriateness of making sure everyone knew she'd had a bikini wax, my wiser sister threw herself across the store in a slow-motion movie moment to firmly clasp her hand across my mouth so I couldn't inform said girl she had apparently forgotten her pants.

Since I wasn't allowed to tell her face-to-face, I will tell her (and all of you) here in hopes that someone knows this child and can forward my ever-so-subtle hint to PUT ON SOME PANTS.

I love shorts. I do. Summer is hot and humid and sticky and uncomfortable. Oh, and I don't have air conditioning in my car. So anything more than a slight piece of fabric on my legs is simply too much. That being said, there are so many good options out there, none of us need to be confused with the poor, unfortunate soul who left the house without her pants.

As an adult, the shortest inseam you can comfortably pull off is 3".

Lands' End Canvas

Sailboat Mini Shorts

$39.50

H&M

Plaid Roll-Cuff Shorts

$24.95

J.Crew Factory

3" Chino Short

$29.50

Victoria's Secret

Eva Fit Twill Shorts

3.5" - 9"inseams

$39.50

Flat jeweled sandals, colorful espadrilles, slouchy suede boots, low-top Converse sneakers, comfy flip-flops - they all look great with shorts. It all just depends on where you're going, what you're wearing on top and how much walking you have to do.

Feel free to print this post and hand out at your discretion. We'll change the world one pair of pants at a time.

Shoe Some Love

On Friday night, the Divine Miss M and I went to a lovely benefit gala to raise money for MS research. I have no overly-personal connection to the cause but you know me, any excuse to get dressed up. It was a lovely evening and lots of money was raised for a great cause.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. Let's get to the important stuff...the clothes. Or more specifically, the shoes. I could go on for pages and pages about the issues I had with the women's dresses at this benefit. A page alone for the girl who looked like she was getting married at her senior prom. Another page for the chick who unfortunately borrowed a dress from her much skinnier friend and insisted on squeezing herself into it (listen, I don't write this blog because I'm nice).

I need to just focus on one thing at a time or like Friday night, my head will start spinning so much I'll be unable to hold conversations or bid too much money on the Marc Jacobs clutch in the silent auction. So let's just talk about the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shoes.

Ladies of Boston, there are shoes appropriate for cocktail dress and there are shoes appropriate for a Sunday stroll down Newbury. Neither the twain shall meet.

Thus, these wedges are ok, just not with this dress:

Shoes: Nine West, PEGGYFO wedges, $79.00

Dress: Zara, Frilly Dress, $79.00

See the somewhat delicate shoes the model is wearing? A shoe like that is best for this overtly feminine dress.

Charles Jourdan

Gia Ankle-Strap Sandal

$165 (+ an extra 30% off until May 10)

Or if you're feeling more adventurous:

BCBG

Nicole Cage Pump

$139 (+ an extra 30% off until May 10)

Or add a little metallic detailing:

Zara

Shiny High Heel Sandal

$89

Similarly, this amazing dress deserves better shoe-love than flats (ESPECIALLY if you're spending that kind of money):

  
Dress: BCBG, Gia Striped Silk Dress, $498

Shoes: Dolce Vita, Lulu Ballet Flats, $73.50

The shoes need to make as much of a statement as that dress, especially with the asymmetrical hem.

A very pretty, safe option:

 MICHAEL Michael Kors

Berkley T-Strap Sandals

$99

Or, add some vibrant color:

Zara

Wide-Heeled Satin Sandal

$109

Feeling adventurous?

Badgley Mischka

Black Floral Organza Desire Tie Sandal

$154.80

The stripes of the straps match the stripes of the dress:

L.A.M.B.

Multi-Strap Sandal Bootie

$249 (+ an extra 40% off until 5/11!)

I know that some of you can't wear the super high heels that I so strongly (and loudly) advocate. But truly, your legs will thank you for the well-deserved love. 

Women of Boston, I'm talking to you. Next time I'm wearing my 5" gold strappies, you'd better be too! I'll see you at this weekend's Red Sox game - my heels can even conquer the Green Monster.